Narcissistic Behavior: Why a Narcissist Would Suddenly Ignore You
When a narcissist ignores you, it is not because they are merely being ‘busy’ or ‘distracted’. Dealing with a narcissist is akin to engaging with a predator who is consumed with themselves and what they want. These individuals often use emotional manipulation and unpredictable behaviors to keep others at their will.
The Cycle of Kindness and Cruelty
Narcissists exhibit a pattern of behavior known as the cycle of kindness and cruelty. This pattern can be likened to intermittent reinforcement, a form of psychological conditioning where actions are rewarded sporadically, making the behavior more persistent. For a narcissist, this cycle serves to create attachment and dependence from their target, much like how gambling on slots can be addictive. However, unlike a slot machine, the control is in their hands, and the manipulation is far more sinister.
A New Shiny Object
After engaging in a pattern of behavior with you, a narcissist may lose interest or find a new ‘shiny object’ that captures their attention. This object can be a person, a project, or even something as simple as a new hobby. When the narcissist shifts their focus, their interest in you may wane, and they might abruptly stop communicating or interacting with you.
The Trap of Predictability
Their behavior is designed to keep you walking on eggshells. You never know if they love you or hate you, but what you can be certain of is that they love controlling you. This unpredictability is a tool they use to keep you engaged and to maintain a sense of their superiority. It serves to keep you guessing and to heighten the drama, but ultimately, it is a manipulative tactic.
Provoking Curiosity Instead of Agreement
When asking why a narcissist would ignore you, it's tempting to get a simple, one-word answer like 'Because they're a narcissist.' While this might provide comfort, it doesn't help you understand the underlying motivations or behaviors. Instead of labeling the issue, ask specific, detailed questions. For example, 'I was having a really nice time with a guy and then after a couple of weeks, he just stopped returning my calls. What could be going on?' By framing the question in this way, you open the door for more insightful answers. You might gain an understanding of human behavior, hear relatable anecdotes, or find comfort, which is often what you're really seeking.
The Disposable Nature of Supplies
Narcissists view people as disposable, similar to how they use supplies. My previous partner, who I affectionately call my ex-narc, is a perfect example. In the span of six years, she wore at least three different masks for public consumption. Her latest was the image of the doting mother and the perfect wife. She had deceived me while she was still married, using money from her financially supporting ex-husband to maintain her lifestyle. Her goal, when the support dries up, is to act as if she needs a new partner to support her.
This scenario highlights the ruthless and manipulative nature of narcissists. They will do whatever it takes to achieve their goals, projecting themselves in any light necessary. They treat people like supplies, using them up and then discarding them. Hence, it is not surprising that after a period of enjoyable interaction, a narcissist might treat you as if you don’t exist. To them, you simply don't.
Conclusion: Understanding narcissistic behavior requires looking beyond surface-level explanations. By asking specific and detailed questions, you can gain insights into human behavior and find comfort in realizing you are not alone in your experiences.